I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My dick has a subreddit
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
