She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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