Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
