if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
