New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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