I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize