You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
