apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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