and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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