I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
