I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
