hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
