i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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