whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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