i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
