At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
