I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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