Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's blow job season.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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