I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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