How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
