Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
