found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
