I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
