In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my nose is crying tears of wow.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
