I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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