By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
