Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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