Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
