im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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