great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i love accidental penises.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
