Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i love accidental penises.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
