Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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