listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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