your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
