alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
