we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
