theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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