when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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