Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
