Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
