mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
