Your mouth is God's brothel.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
