Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
