I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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