i think my mom watched the whole time
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
