Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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