I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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