I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize