oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
