I think my fart just growled at me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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