This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i now understand why vodka
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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