I cockslap morals
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
