Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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