the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
