yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
