is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Come on in and take your pants off
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