I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
