In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I AM VODKA MAN
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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