Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
