if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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