I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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