the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
