he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
