i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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