There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Randomize
