Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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