Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
