I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Edward fifth and chaser hands
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
