I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
