i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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