i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
