new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
