im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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